One of the most challenging steps for a leader is helping family members let go of their memories of your past failures.
In my experiences working with hundreds of students in my "The Royal Charisma" program, I’ve identified significant limitations and beliefs that hinder individuals from embracing their leadership potential.
Fear.
Many of you harbor a deep-seated fear of being leaders. This fear often traces back to childhood, where the belief may take root that being a leader means being a bad mother, a bad wife, or a bad husband. There’s an underlying anxiety that if you step into a leadership role, you’ll face judgment—whether regarding your parenting, your relationship with your partner, or even from those closest to you who may feel neglected. This is a powerful and widespread belief.
Some people have even expressed to me that leaders come across as rude, soulless, and arrogant, seeing only their goals rather than the people around them. There’s a common sentiment that money changes people for the worse. In my work helping individuals build their personal brands, I’ve noticed that when my students begin to experience financial success, they often reflect, “When I have money, I start to believe I can manage everything on my own, without a partner.” This newfound confidence can lead to thoughts like, “Why do I need a companion when I can achieve anything by myself?” These feelings can spark shame; there’s often a contradiction that arises: “I want to be a leader, but I feel ashamed of the thoughts I have.” Despite our best efforts, the opinions of others can exert a heavy influence.
I frequently receive questions about how to overcome the fear of communicating with others. How does one silence that fear? If I had a magic phrase to instantly dissolve these anxieties, I would share it with you immediately and skip writing this chapter altogether. I’ve grappled with these challenges myself. I’ve faced criticism from loved ones when I dared to pursue my own path rather than succumbing to their expectations.
What I want to offer you are the practices I’ve developed from my own journey. I firmly believe that the most valuable insights are those born from personal experience, rather than those easily found on the first pages of Google. This is why I lead intensives and programs with such passion—you deserve the depth that comes from authentic experience.
Even as adults, our parents often monitor our lives, including our activities on social media. This can stifle our leadership aspirations when family members scrutinize and sometimes voice their disapproval of what we share online. If you’ve encountered this, you are certainly not alone. For our parents, we remain their children—the ones they cared for and scolded. When we begin to shine on platforms or share our journeys on social media, it can create confusion for them. They often wish for stability in our lives; for older generations, any change can evoke discomfort and even fear for our safety. They feel it is their duty to protect us, and they will step in with all their might.
It’s crucial to understand that you may not receive the support you seek from your loved ones as you embark on your leadership journey. You might hear things like: “You can’t do this. You’ve never been capable of such feats. You’ve always been the odd one in the family, the jester. How embarrassing!”
Keep in mind this fundamental truth: if you follow the advice of your parents without question, you may find yourself repeating their patterns.
If this is the path you wish to take, consider parental advice with gratitude. However, if you, like many, feel a surge of panic at the thought of living a life similar to your parents, it’s vital not to follow their guidance. Instead, mentally thank them each time they try to steer you down the avenue they believe to be true—acknowledge their energy and send it back to them.
Visualize collecting their energy into a small sphere and channeling it back to them. They may lack the vitality you possess, and your silent support will be felt, even if unbeknownst to them.
Change can be challenging, especially with the weight of external influences upon us. Our families, motivated by love, often act to protect us, even when their words come across as harsh. However, as you step into your leadership role and unveil your charisma, your family will begin to see a different version of you. Their perception of you will evolve. If, in the past, you were viewed as weak or in need of care, you will transform into someone they now recognize as strong. The narrative is indeed malleable.
I have experienced this transformation in my own life. Growing up, I struggled with severe stuttering—a challenge I had to overcome alone, even without the assistance of those who claimed to be experts. My family, too, could not provide the support I needed; I faced this battle alone for nearly a quarter-century. Yet, I persevered and pulled myself from the depths of despair. When I eventually shared my progress with my relatives by showing them videos of me reciting poetry in various languages, their reaction was awe: "God, what a beautiful voice you have!" In that moment, I looked directly into their eyes and confidently responded, "But I have always had a beautiful voice. It’s surprising to hear that now." The people who had known me for so long were taken aback, not by pity, but by genuine astonishment.
Time is non-linear—it spirals through past, present, and future. I returned to that pivotal moment and reshaped my past.
The past can indeed be altered. Your relatives will come to see you as the person who can uplift and transform your entire family. You will become the beacon of hope for your clan, and unlike the burdens of expectation, this is a different kind of energy. It’s crucial for me to help you navigate this moment with your family, as I have walked this path myself. I confronted fears and faced criticism from loved ones, but I remained steadfast. My goals and dreams guided me, and the echoes of my past did not deter my focus. We change continually; our bodies undergo a complete renewal every seven years.
Some people even choose to distance themselves from social media when their parents create profiles to monitor their activities. This is undoubtedly an attempt to keep tabs. We cannot block everyone from our digital lives; instead, we must learn to cope with it. Those who seek connection will always find a way. I want to guide you on how to remain unaffected by this scrutiny.
Over the years, I have distilled this knowledge to share with you in this volume. Our communication is of utmost importance to me, and I am committed to imparting the insights I’ve gained.
Your leadership journey is already set in motion.
Your initial situation is not as challenging as mine. You are effectively undergoing a remarkable transformation and achieving impressive results. I am in the process of building my books and courses into a self-sustaining ecosystem. Some may find it fantastic. As early as 2017, my clients participated in my courses and programs, where I focused solely on the technical aspects of social media promotion, without delving into branding or charisma, or the other enriching insights I share with you now. Recently, many clients have reached out to tell me that everything I shared with them has come to fruition. I wasn’t surprised; after all, a fact is a fact. My primary goal is for people to achieve results and feel that their investment was worthwhile, as this is how I have set my expectations. When I engage in learning opportunities, I ensure I see it as an investment in myself, not a waste of resources. Investments yield returns; I invest, and I receive. When you begin working with me, read my books, and attend my programs, your financial rewards can come from various sources.
You asked me what will happen if you embrace your role as a leader. Many have expressed concerns: "I’m afraid to become a leader. I worry about showing my charisma. What if I become arrogant? What if I have to be constantly in the spotlight?"
It's important to note that I've never suggested—and I’m not suggesting now—that you must be constantly in public. You can certainly recall many content creators who do not go live but still share their stories in a rhythm and style that suits them. You don’t have to be in the public eye if that’s not what you desire. I have clients in my personal branding course who ask, "Do I need to share my entire life? Do I have to showcase my husband and children?" The answer is a resounding no! There’s no need to put your family on display for others; they are of interest only to you. Posts on social media can serve three functions: entertaining, informing, and selling. Family photos do not entertain, sell, or provide meaningful information to your audience. There’s no need to feel pressure to showcase your loved ones.
You ask, "What if I’m expected to be in public all the time?" The truth is, you’re not required to do that. You have the freedom to maintain a comfortable pace.
Being a leader is a source of joy.
Unleashing your charisma is a gift.
These are expressions of happiness, significant attention from worthy individuals. This is the noble leadership potential I aim to awaken within you. Why do I invest in enhancing the success of others? Because I aspire to live in a beautiful society. I have a refined appreciation for beauty, which deepens with age. I can be moved to tears upon witnessing something beautiful; these are tears of joy.
Everything is in your hands. You hold a treasure within you, but you must learn how to access it. You have already achieved remarkable results. Have you received compliments? You have. Have you found a job? Yes, you have. Have you received gifts? Imagine the possibilities when you fully embrace your true self.
Today's task is to recall a moment in your life when you truly felt confident and successful. An important note: avoid instances from distant childhood. Reflect on experiences from the past five years, ideally between the ages of 1.5 to 2.
Readers often ask:
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But what if I can’t recall such an event?
– Dive deeper into your memory. If you genuinely cannot think of anything, it’s time to create one. Envision it, articulate it, and take action. Build this moment in your mind, narrate it in words, and write it down. I assure you, everything penned in writing can manifest into reality. A book truly has the power to change your fate; I know this for certain.