Chapter 3. How to get out of what we create
As an observer of the contents of my mind (thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, associations), I am more than the contents of my mind.
The point is observation. Therefore, the task of the first stage is to teach you how to observe your inner experience and not merge with it.
Such observation gives you the experience of considering the events of your life without judgment, evaluation, significance, or preference.
In most of us, judgments, biases and biases jump out automatically, we "discover" that we do not like something, or can not stand some event. We don't consciously choose a reaction. Reactions happen to us, often without our control. These automatic reactions greatly embellish and modify the way we perceive and experience the world around us, and as long as the reactions remain "on the machine", we can not choose how we feel, how we live.
When you use part of your Attention to observe a reaction, you are essentially putting a distance between you and the reaction. In this space you are not absorbed by the reaction. Even when the reaction goes its own way, the space of observation creates a distance that reduces the feeling of attachment to the reaction.
Since your Attention is more an experience than a concept, it is useful to create an environment for experiencing this phenomenon, reactions and responses. Similarly, each level is accompanied by exercises and contemplations.
Exercise 1
Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Remember the incident that upset you. It can be a case when water flooded the apartment, and except you nobody was at home, or it can be an angry exchange of gestures with the driver of the car, misunderstanding with the official, or quarrel with the loved one.
Imagine this incident, seeing it from the inside. Be at its center, reproducing the scene with all the confusion and irritation with which you originally experienced it.
Then continue to see the same scene, but at the same time notice that now you are watching it, from the side. Now see yourself in the scene experiencing all the emotions and upsets, and there you are outside the scene experiencing the observation, noticing all the emotions, thoughts, and sensations.
See if there is a difference between how you experienced the incident in two ways.
In the beginning, you may not experience a sense of objectivity and impartiality. Most of us are very attached to our emotions. If we feel that we have been insulted, misunderstood, or humiliated, we are usually not ready to quickly move beyond our fair emotions. If you have not been able to move on to the second part of the exercise, do the first part while inside the incident until the emotional charge is removed from it. After a while you will feel that you are ready to let a part of your awareness pass into impartial observation.
As you move in and out, immersing yourself in the experience and observing yourself in the experience, you begin to feel your self, which is present on both levels. When you recall an emotional experience, realize that you existed before, and remained after the complete exhaustion of emotional reactions. The " I " that observes your experience is always present; it notices how all thoughts, sensations, and feelings come and go.
The first step experience is how to be more than what bothers you.
Consider two ways of experiencing the same event.
For example: I gave my boss a monthly report, which he usually approves and praises. This time I'm called into his office, the door closes, and he irritably tells me that there's a major oversight in my report and it needs to be completely redone. I blush with surprise and embarrassment, beads of sweat stand out on my palms, and my stomach feels as if it has been hit with a club. I mumble an apology and feel embarrassed again. My breathing is shallow, my heart beats fast, and all I want to do is run away. I feel stupid and angry.